"Getting Even"

A couple days ago I read a tweet from a good friend of mine(@CjKaiTv) that said:

"#TheresNothingLike realizing that "getting even" is childish, immature, and will never fill the void you desire"


I agree with that statement %100. Everyone that really knows me, KNOWS that once you fuck me over I am going to "get even"! Yes, I believe it's childish and immature, but it's like an impulse. I don't really rationalize things when I want revenge. That doesn't mean I'm gonna get into anything physical, but I will do something that will effect you in some way. My most memorable moment was when I was 14 or 15 and a friend of mine was talking shit about me behind my back. He was talking so much shit that it got me really upset and I wanted a way to get back at him without fighting. His boyfriend at the time had a huge crush on me so... I seduced him and slept with him. We had sex quite often and my friend knew, but he could never find proof and that drove him CRAZY. All the while I was loving every second of it. I was "getting back" and getting some pretty great sex.

Now that I'm older, when I reflect on it, I feel really bad. It was so dumb and childish of me and I am not proud of my actions at all. I usually don't allow my feelings to get hurt easily, but when a friend that I hold close or an ex does something to me that really hurts I do what I can to "get even". And because I know these people's weakness', it's pretty easy. I go for what I know will hurt them the most. It makes me feel good for the initial period, but after that I feel so immature. I've calmed down on the whole "getting even" thing but it's so hard to completely stop. It's like an addiction and when I get hurt it takes everything in me to just let it go and not get even. Like I said, my friends statement is true. Once you realize how childish and unnecessary "getting even" is, you really start to grow.

I hope I wasn't rambling in this post lol. When I have a lot on my mind it usually seems that way.